Relationships…
Have you ever thought about how many books there are for communicating, raising, bringing-up, our kids? Seriously, there’s a huge industry of self-help books out there that will teach you the best method of how to accomplish pretty much anything for each part of childhood. Sleep-training, Potty-training, Raising Kids. Infancy, Toddler, Pre-school, School-age… the list goes on and on, Includes the teenage years, and then seriously slows down at the adult years of life.
I guess, if you haven’t already figured it out, it’s too late? Is that it?
Once we are adults, we must know it all.
Hmmm…I’m not so sure about that one.
Where am I going with this? Good question.
I believe that if we take the principles of best practices for raising children and communicating with them, and apply these principles to adult relationships- we might be able to apply them to this stage.
Let’s go through the list of parent/child techniques.
Principles for Communicating with Children:
-respect them, their feelings, their statements
-give them time and space to think and speak
-give them REAL choices
-Be the parent, not the friend
-No abuse
-Try for cooperation instead of Punishment
-encourage independence
-Be truthful with them
-tell them and show them that you have unconditional love for them
-show interest in them, their interests, desires
-spend time with them
…So what happens if we apply this to adult relationships:
There are some obvious differences in adult relationships.
- we chose this partner or friend to be in our life
-we are not their parent so the discipline and unconditional love statements may not be as relevant.
But… let’s look at the rest of the list.
-Respect
-time
-space
-no-abuse
-cooperation
-independence
-truth
-not giving up
-spend time with them
-interest in their life, hobbies, and desires
There are so many overlaps of what makes a healthy relationship with 3 basic concepts underlying them all.
Communication
Respect
Interest
I believe you can learn to integrate these concepts into your life. If you’re interested and you put effort in, you can develop skills, coping techniques, change your patterns, and make real change for the better in the relationships that matter to you. It really does take time and effort. It’s work, but it’s worth it.
-One note: adult relationships are two-way. They go both directions, whereas parent-child relationships are often one-way with the interest from the parent to the child. This may continue on until these kiddos have grown up a-lot.
-What happens if you keep trying and the other party isn’t reciprocating? Well, that’s probably a longer conversation, but it may be time to evaluate what that means (there may be more options here that you initially realize…).
-And if you keep trying on your own but you aren’t getting the results you want? Try reading a self help book for communicating with kids. Find something with high ratings on Amazon. Or, you can call me (shameless plug).
So maybe we need a new category of self help books. All we’d have to do is change the words child/kid to friend/partner/co-worker/cousin… you name it.
What do you think? I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Standard Disclaimer
Not a Substitute for Medical Advice. The information provided in this blog is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment that can be provided by your own Medical Provider (including doctor/physician, nurse, physician’s assistant, or any other health professional), Mental Health Provider (including psychiatrist, psychologist, therapist, counselor, or social worker), registered dietitian or licensed nutritionist, or member of the clergy.
